July 26, 2008
BE WHO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT
By: Denise Lescano, Psychic Medium
Copyright Denise Lescano, 2008
One of the most common reasons that a person will call a psychic is to ask “when or if they are going to meet that right person?” This is one of the most frequently asked questions coming from clients who call me for a “psychic” type of reading about their life, and their future. First of all, let’s be clear, no psychic can see the “outcomes” of your future path 100%. If they tell you they can they are not telling you the truth, or they simply do not understand how their own abilities really work. As we look in to the future, what we see are the opportunities & obstacles, and the different pathways and doorways available to you as you move in to your future. The reason we cannot see the outcomes 100%, is the fact that you, and all the other participants in your life, have “free will” and can change everything in an instant. There is always a wild card, an unpredictable element. You are writing your future every moment of every day of your life through your thoughts, feelings and actions. Through your thoughts, which are energy that you are constantly projecting, you communicate to the universe (or god, or your higher self) and initiate future possibilities. This is an example of the Law of Attraction; popularized in Rhonda Byrne’s film, The Secret© (and in the book by the same title).
Now many people have a real misunderstanding of “The Secret” or “The Law of Attraction” and what it means. They will tell me “oh, that just means the power of positive thinking?” NO!!! The Law of Attraction is NOT the power of positive thinking. It can also be the power of negative thinking…it is really the “power of your thoughts, intentions, energy and strongly held assumptions and beliefs.” It is important to understand this, because it is the fundamental principle to what I am about to explain to you next in the realm of relationships.
Most people believe that happiness in the world of romantic relationships is all about “finding the right person.” Many people believe there is only “one” or “the right person” for them, which is simply not the case. There may actually be several different possibilities of the right person in a lifetime. First off, “finding the right person” is only one piece of the puzzle or one element of the equation to having a happy and fulfilling love relationship. I see it as one third of the pie.
The second piece of the pie and the most important piece is “being the right person.” This is what I mean when I say, “be who you want to attract.” If you want to attract a positive, open, honest, healthy and trustworthy person, then from the depths of your very being, on every level (mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical) strive your hardest to be all of those things that you want to attract in another… your self. Then and only then, will you attract that person. Relationships are like magnets in that way. If you are a negative thinker, a critical person, then you will find yourself attracting others who will reinforce your negative belief system. Here is an example: If you have a problem with some addiction, or you have a problem with codependency and cannot be happy alone and need to be validated by another, or have a strong fear about being on your own…you will likely attract some one else either with an addiction problem or similar codependency problem, etc. Another example: If you are a woman who thinks all men are dogs (sorry guys) then you will certainly continue to attract more men who are dogs to reinforce your belief about men. And if you serendipitously happen to bump in to a great guy…you will probably send him running in the opposite direction with the defensive energy you are projecting. It is a simple case of give what you want to receive, project the energy of what you want to attract in another, and you will see some wonderful results. If you have trust issues, balance issues, unhealed emotional wounds, then find the help and resources that you need to deal with those issues and work on getting yourself to a place of health and balance. Wounded people only attract other wounded people, and in most cases, neither one has any idea on how to have a healthy relationship, because neither is healthy or healed. Someone else is never going to fix you, or fix your life…you have to fix you and your life. To look for another to fix what is wrong with you or your life, never ever works and is only a way we distract ourselves from with dealing with what are really our own issues to work on.
All relationships are always mirrors reflecting back to us different aspects of ourselves, helping us to see what we cannot see on our own. Sometimes they reflect back to us a beautiful image and sometimes an ugly image….if you don’t like what you see in your partner (mirror), then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what aspect of me is this person reflecting back to me? If you are willing to do this, without ego and denial getting in the way (which is very hard sometimes) then you may bring to light a dysfunctional or negative pattern that exists in your relationships. Once you see the pattern you have taken your first step to becoming free of it, by consciously acknowledging it. The next step would be accepting responsibility for your part in the pattern…but that will have to be in another blog!
Lastly, and the Third piece of the pie; after being the right person, so that you have attracted the right person….you have to have the right timing. It is very true whoever first said that timing is everything! This is quite frankly why a lot of relationships with a strong potential to be “the relationship” sometimes fail. It is also the most difficult aspect of the equation to deal with, because ultimately we many times have absolutely no control over the timing. Timing simply means that two people set out on a journey of life, from two separate locations, and try to plan and meet at the same place at the same time. If only it were as easy and logical as those problems we used to do in school with the two trains approaching from different directions and speeds! (Personally, I never could do those math problems!) It is not an easy task and does not always happen. You may have come all this way on your journey, to be excited that you have finally found “the right person” but that other person is not ready to “be the right person” at the time that you have met him or her.
So take heart, all relationships are of benefit to the growth of our soul; they all contain lessons which we are here to learn. No relationship is a mistake if you have learned something…and move on. Just because a relationship does not work out, it does not mean you have walked the wrong path with the wrong person…it just may be that the timing was just not right. We all learn at different speeds.
Remember…“BE who and what you want to attract!”
Keep the faith!
With light and many blessings
Denise
I totally agree Denise. I wish we could all realize that each person in every relationship we have had has been one with whom we have been honored to share our time AND who has been a teacher to us in one way or another. There are no mistakes, as you said, and to that I add, only opportunities for learning and evolving our soul.
Once we do the personal growth work, however, it may become evident that the “right” person is really yourself. Then if you still seek someone to share your life with, he will be a compliment to you in your wholeness, not someone who completes you. You stand a better chance of being successful in everything in your life when you have found that everything you need for your life is within you (rather than outside of you). Than you can beam out the unconditional love with authenticity and you’ll then wonder…why is everyone coming to me? LOL Cuz you have what they all want!!
I can relate to what Denise has written, but in a slightly different way. There are several of us at our office who found ourselves having a desire to learn more about spiritual things, including mediums and psychics. It’s still not the kind of thing you can talk to just anyone about without sometimes getting the arched eyebrow or two fingers hastily slapped together in the form of a cross and thrust in your face. So we wandered around, each going our own way for a time but not really connecting at that level. Maybe it was eventually sensing the attraction in the others, but at some point it just felt right for us to speak about it. When we each started acknowledging our mutual curiosity and desire to learn about spiritual and psychic development, we found ourselves collecting together at lunch and discussing our ideas at complete ease. We were all amazed to find we had this one common bond that not only surfaced when we were together but bound us tightly. We also built on that interest and curiosity to venture into the community to learn more and expand to new levels of development with such activities as attending instructional classes held by Denise and others throughout the area. I had never thought of it the way Denise so eloquently phrased it, but I think by just being who we were, and being honest about it, we were able to easily attract each other. So, in addition to realizing that attraction can be used to find the right person, it also works with finding the right support group.
I am delighted to see the creation of this blog as it has the potential to become an exciting new tool for reaching out to people with questions concerning not only how “this psychic stuff” works, but also about how certain fundamental principles govern the universe that we live in. The initial post is an excellent case in point. In an effort to explain psychic mediumship as it relates to a very common question (meeting the “right” person) it becomes necessary to describe some very powerful spiritual laws, such as the “Law of Attraction.”
Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret© goes a long way toward explaining the Law of Attraction and is well worth investigating for anyone not already familiar with the book or the movie. I will not attempt to review all of that here. However, I do agree with one of Denise’s initial statements above: The Law of Attraction is NOT [just] the power of positive thinking. It is that and a whole lot more! One common belief among certain metaphysically-minded people is the idea that “Thoughts held in mind produce their own kind.”
Therefore, the person with a positive outlook on life will not just be viewing the world through rose-colored glasses; they will also be co-creating their world in a very powerful way. Because of the Law of Attraction, they will draw experiences to themselves which will reinforce the beliefs that they hold. The same is true, of course, for people who hold negative views; not only will they be able to survey their world for ample justification for holding their beliefs (have you watched the evening news lately?), they will also begin to draw to themselves actual experiences to reinforce the negative views that they cling to. This is the “magnetic” feature of this Law of Attraction. In addition, the powerful emotions that we attach to our beliefs determine the speed and intensity with which we manifest the corresponding experiences. It is the strength of the “emotional charge” that pulls these things toward us.
The next idea that Denise brings out in her opening article is the challenge to “be who you want to attract.” This is reflective of Mahatma Gandhi’s admonition that “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” My experience has been that we always attract people to us who are at the same level of emotional and spiritual development as we are. Like attracts like, and birds of a feather flock together. We will always gravitate toward people like ourselves because that’s where we feel the most comfortable. Those who are vastly different from us sometimes challenge us to expand ourselves beyond our comfort zone.
In Love and Light,
Jerry D. Eddleman
As an avocation, I work with many people who strive to overcome problems with alcoholism and drug addiction (among other issues). Not surprisingly, very few among us have any idea of what is truly healthy in a relationship. Many have grown up in dysfunctional homes with alcoholic and/or drug addicted parents, and have unconsciously learned to relate to others in an unhealthy, destructive manner; it takes conscious effort to overcome these behaviors. As we grow into adulthood, many of us attract partners who exhibit similar familiar patterns, or we attract someone (a co-dependent or an enabler) who exhibits traits that are somehow “complimentary.” Although the couples in these relationships may seem quite different as individuals, they are actually in collusion with each other; “the rocks in her head fit the holes in his!” Again, like attracts like.
Many of us move through life with little conscious thought being given to these fundamental principles. Therefore, it is not surprising that we seem to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Never realizing that a lesson is repeated until it is learned, we may stumble along blindly experiencing one unsatisfying relationship after another. In order to break the cycle, something has to change. With conscious effort, another powerful spiritual law can be brought to bear on the situation: “Ye reap what ye sew” or, in other words, you get what you give. The universe seems to operate impersonally, like a cosmic copy machine, and there are no judgments attached to the functions. If you put good stuff in, you get good stuff out. If you put bad stuff in…well, you see the pattern.
There usually comes a point in the recovery (healing) process when it becomes necessary to do an honest self-appraisal. This inventory process invariably reveals relationship problems (anyone living in close proximity to an alcoholic or an addict is also bound to become sick in their own way eventually). As they take stock, I ask people to take a sheet of paper and divide it into three columns labeled “What I Want,” “What I Need,” and “What I Expect” in a relationship. I explain (in a vastly over-simplified way) that the difference between a want and need is that when my needs are met I can be comfortable, and when I have what I want I can be happy. Usually, the lists in each column get shorter as they work their way across the page. The expectations list is reserved for the “deal breakers,” the bottom-line things (like honesty and fidelity) that we feel we must insist upon if the relationship is to have any hope of survival. Most of the folks I work with return with completed columns that they are quite pleased with, and it’s fun for me to watch their jaws drop when I suggest they place their own name at the top of the page as these are not things to be demanded of anyone else. I tell them that if they will bring these qualities into a relationship, then that is exactly what they will get out of it because you reap what you sew.
In Love and Light,
Jerry D. Eddleman
Another grand idea presented here is the idea of “mirrors” in relationships. Most people are unaware that the ancient Essenes knew of at least seven mirrors of relationships. Author Gregg Braden, among others, has written and spoken of these mirrors in some of his books and workshops (see Walking Between The Worlds©). The first mirror is the mirror of Self-In the Moment. Most people are familiar with this mirror once they know what it is. It reflects some aspect of me back to me from another person. If I observe someone talking or behaving in a manner that irks me, there is a good possibility that this person is reflecting an aspect of me that I’m not particularly happy about. I have even complained aloud about another person only to be challenged by someone close to me who observed that what really bugs me about that person is that they are so much like me. “No wonder you can’t get along,” they said, “it’s because you are just too much alike!” This is the mirror Denise refers to when she says, “Sometimes they reflect back to us a beautiful image and sometimes an ugly image….if you don’t like what you see in your partner (mirror), then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what aspect of me is this person reflecting back to me?” Once we identify the offending attitude or behavior in ourselves, and make a decision to change, then the emotional charge begins to dissipate and that mirror (or mirrors, as we may see it in more than one place) falls away as it is unnecessary. As we recognize that the disagreeable image is really of ourselves, we find our attitudes toward the persons holding the mirrors begins to soften. These kind folk, usually as unaware as we were, may actually be some of our best teachers as they hold these powerful mirrors and very masterfully challenge us to rise to a new awareness of ourselves and a greater compassion for others.
As I mentioned, there are at least seven such mirrors already identified for us by the Essenes. Unfortunately, a complete discussion of each of them is beyond the scope of this blog. However, I hope to address each of them with real examples of them being demonstrated in a novel which I am writing along the lines of James Redfield’s The Celestine Prophecy©. In the same way that he introduces his “insights” through the use of an engaging novel, I hope to be able to explain the seven mirrors in a way that will be both informative and entertaining. I’ll post again here when that goes to press or is otherwise available to the public.
Meanwhile, keep checking in with Denise and all of her wonderful efforts to help and to educate. She is a treasure, and we are blessed to have her working so diligently on our behalf. Good luck and God bless!!
In Love and Light,
Jerry D. Eddleman
I’m just learning about the law of attraction and all it can do for you. You just have to work at it until it becomes habitual.
I have to tell you I love your work, your wisdom and most of all your honesty.
I started reading this blog and couldn’t stop, I love learning and you always teach me, I like the way you put it into pies, it’s easy to remember, I know I still missed something so I’m going to read it again, I feel at peace and stronger because the blog made sense to me, I also saved it so I can read it offline, I don’t remember things but for some reason I never forget your teaching, I like it, it’s very positive, not overpowering and subtly inviting.
This is of the subject a little but I wanted you to know, everything you told me was right on, you have opened my eyes and my soul, the book you referred to me animal speak was right on as well, so I’m going back to your website to check out more of your choices for books, I love to learn, I hope you do more DVD’s, I’m ready, I’m looking forward to staying on track and be who I really am who I lost along the way, I crossed your path for a reason and it’s been nothing but positive. I whole heartedly thank you for enlightening my path and putting me as close as can be to my track again, I want to stay on track too.
I look forward to visiting you here more often and sharing your work with my family and friends.
Thank you very much Denise,
Respectfully,
Coline